


A Meal A Day Keeps Team Rocket Away

by Tavriel



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Food, Gen, Out of Character, food as bribery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23961238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tavriel/pseuds/Tavriel
Summary: Brock realizes that the way to get Team Rocket to leave him and his friends alone is to bribe them with food.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	A Meal A Day Keeps Team Rocket Away

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a silly fic that I was inspired to write after joking with my brother and my cousin that Brock could simply bribe Team Rocket with food. Please don't take it too seriously. I hope you enjoy.

Brock considered himself to be a patient person. He had to be, in order to deal with his mother's crazy ideas, his siblings and their antics, and running a gym. And now that he'd joined up with Ash and Misty, his patience had increased with all the crazy adventures he'd gotten into with them. He didn't so much mind the arguing-after living with his siblings he'd become immune to the sound of arguing. But the one thing that kept trying his patience is Team Rocket. Brock has lost count of how many times Team Rocket has attempted to steal Pikachu. He'd lost count of the number of times he and his friends had fallen into a pit trap, or been locked in a cage, or had a gym battle interrupted, or their Pokemon captured. After the first one hundred failed attempts, Brock thought they'd have just given up, but apparently Team Rocket didn't know the meaning of the word quit. To be fair, neither did Ash. Brock just had half a mind to yell at Team Rocket that they should try doing something constructive with their time instead of stalking them, but he really wasn't the type of person to yell.

Today had been a good day. The farmer's market had some gorgeous local produce and Brock had come back to camp laden with groceries. He'd cooked curry for dinner and was trying to decide what to do with the extra ingredients. So far he was debating on making pastries with the remaining vegetables. Or maybe he could pickle the vegetables and put them on sandwiches. There was nothing like a crunchy pickled vegetable to enhance a sandwich. Brock casually swatted Ash's hand with a spoon as he tried to have a sample of the curry. “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” he scolded. Ash grumbled.

Brock loved family meals. What with running a gym he barely got to see his siblings sometimes. It was nice to sit down to a nice meal and enjoy their company. He loved the sound of their chatter as they told Brock about their day. Now their chatter was replaced by Ash excitedly telling them how his training was going, Misty teasing him, and Ash getting upset. Misty glanced at Brock's plate. “What's the matter, Brock?” she asked. “You aren't eating very much.”

Ash paused his attempts to shovel as much food in his mouth as possible. “Are you getting sick again, Brock?” he asked. After what happened the last time Brock was sick, Brock simply commanded himself that he would not get sick and leave Ash and Misty in charge. “No,” Brock reassured them. “I'm fine, you guys.” There were times when he couldn't wait to try out a new recipe. He'd go to bed and think about ways to improve recipes like chocolate chip cookies or combining two different cuisines. He'd spend the night impatiently waiting for day so he could try out his ideas. But even though he loved trying out new recipes, he loved seeing people taste his food even more. His heart always glowed when he saw a clean plate and got a request for seconds.

Suddenly the ground began to shake. A net was hurled through the air and landed on Brock and his friends. Another net was hurled over their Pokemon. Brock's heart thudded, even though he was pretty sure he knew who their captors were. Sure enough, the familiar balloon bobbed into view and the mocking laughter filled the air. Team Rocket began to haul the net up and how were they doing that? Brock's Onix alone was four hundred and sixty three pounds. Had they considered work in the circus as a strongman? Brock could feel a headache coming on. Was it so much to ask that Team Rocket leave them alone for a day? Heck, he'd even take an hour without them bothering him and his friends. Although to be fair, it was mainly Ash and Pikachu they were after. 

Ash flailed around in the net. “Let us out!” he demanded. Team Rocket responded by making faces, which Brock had to roll his eyes at. Honestly, his siblings didn't even do that. Brock really wasn't in the mood to deal with Team Rocket and their nonsense. He had better things to do-well, he didn't really, but he could think of a whole bunch of things he'd rather be doing, like watching grass grow or counting the hairs on his head.  
A crazy idea hit Brock. And after being friends with Ash for so long, Brock had learned that crazy ideas usually worked. He just hoped he had Ash's luck when it came to crazy ideas. “If you let our Pokemon go, I'll share our dinner with you!” Brock yelled. Silence. Brock figured crazy ideas only worked if they were Ash's and was about to fling the net off. “Did you say food?” Jessie asked. “Like the food you made that one time?” 

Brock nodded. At least Team Rocket had stopped trying to steal their Pokemon. Brock could see that their Pokemon were stealthily working their way free of the net. “And if we let you guys go, we can have some?” James asked. Brock nodded again. He tried to make eye contact with Ash out of the corner of his eye. Maybe when Team Rocket was distracted, Ash could have Pikachu blast them off. But they weren't making any moves to attack and it seemed wrong to attack while their guard was down.

“You've got yourself a deal!” Jessie exclaimed. Before Brock could blink, Team Rocket was launching themselves out of their balloon and making a beeline for the table. Brock could only stare as Team Rocket began gobbling the food. Why weren't they choking? He knew that now was the perfect time to grab the Pokemon and sneak away but...were they even tasting the food? Brock was broken out of his thoughts by Misty tugging at his hands. “Let's go,” she urged. Brock nodded and ran off with his friends and the freed Pokemon, but he couldn't help but wonder when was the last time Team Rocket had a good meal.

Later that night, curled up in their sleeping bags and with their Pokemon safe, Ash spoke. “Do you think Team Rocket will come back again tonight?”

“I doubt it,” Misty replied. “Why'd you go and give them our food, Brock?”

“We'd already eaten,” Brock reminded her. 

“I wanted seconds,” Ash grumbled. 

“Look, I just didn't feel like fighting with Team Rocket,” Brock explained. “I thought they'd leave us alone if I offered them food. I promise I'll make your favorite, Ash.” Ash was pacified by that promise. But still, Brock couldn't help but wonder if all they had to do to get Team Rocket to leave them alone was to offer them food. He had the chance to test out his theory the next day. Brock had decided to make vegetable curry puffs with a sweet and spicy dipping sauce. He made extra just in case he needed to test his theory. On one hand, it would be nice if Team Rocket didn't show up. They'd have extra food in that case. On the other hand, Brock was curious to see if his theory held weight. 

Sure enough, Team Rocket showed up. Brock had to wonder how they always managed to find Ash. He'd gone to different regions and they still managed to find them. They would probably make good detectives if they weren't on the wrong side of the law. Or maybe they could be the kind of detective or private eye that didn't mind bending the law. Or maybe Team Rocket was only able to find Ash. Before Team Rocket could even begin to say their motto, Brock stepped forward. “I'll give you guys lunch if you leave us alone right now,” he said. 

“We're not falling for the same trick twice!” Meowth exclaimed. But Jessie and James had already fallen on the food.

“What are you doing?” Meowth yelled. “We have to get Pikachu!”

“Well, we can't do it on an empty stomach,” Jessie reasoned, dunking a curry puff into the sauce. “We'll need energy if we want to capture Pikachu.”

“And besides, who knows when next we'll get a meal?” James pointed out. He offered a piece of the curry puff to Meowth. Meowth immediately burst into tears. “This is the best food I ever had!” he sobbed. Brock barely managed to yell thanks over his shoulder as he, Ash, and Misty ran away.

“I thought you weren't going to be making any more food for Team Rocket, Brock. What's the big idea?” Misty demanded. 

“Yeah!” Ash chimed in. Their faces were set in identical scowls. 

Brock held up his hands. “I wanted to see if that would work a second time. Wouldn't it be nice if we just had to give Team Rocket food for them to go away?”

“It'd be nice if we didn't have to share our food,” Ash muttered. “After all Team Rocket has done to us, why should we share our food with them?”

“They don't deserve Brock's cooking,” Misty agreed with a scowl. 

“They can't appreciate it,” Ash said. 

“They seemed to appreciate it fine,” Brock pointed out. “I just think it'd be easier to give Team Rocket a sandwich and leave instead of fighting them all the time. But if you guys want to fight them instead, I'll stop offering them food. Ash can go back to having Pikachu use thunderbolt on them.”

Misty interrupted. “By the way, I've been meaning to ask you, why don't you ever just have Pikachu blast Team Rocket off in the middle of the motto?”

Ash rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I kind of didn't think of that. Why don't you blast Team Rocket off?”

Misty shrugged. “I thought that was your thing,” she said. “You get mad when I copy your things.”

“I do not!” Ash exclaimed.

“You got mad because I copied your pose when you caught a Pokemon!” Misty fired back.

“Yeah, because it was my pose!” Brock let the familiar and comforting sounds of their arguing wash over him.

When Team Rocket next showed up, Brock wasn't planning on offering them food. Ash and Misty were getting pretty mad about that and Brock knew the only thing keeping them from killing him was the fact that they both sucked at domestic work and they needes him to survive. “You're not getting Pikachu!” Ash yells.

“Settle down, twerp, we're not here for you,” Jessie said , waving a hand dismissively. Ash's jaw dropped and Brock's jaw dropped right along with it. They weren't here for Pikachu? They'd been after Pikachu for years. Sure, they'd attempted to steal other Pokemon as well, but the main goal was always Pikachu. Maybe they were turning over a new leaf. Team Rocket had to be sick of getting blasted off constantly. Maybe they figured there were better things to do than try and capture Pikachu. Or maybe this was a set up and they were pretending to turn over a new leaf so they would let their guard down and they could steal Pikachu. That did seem more than likely. Then again, Team Rocket really could have turned over a new leaf.

“Then what are you here for?” Ash demanded. 

“We're here for the tall twerp!” Jessie exclaimed. Brock wondered if Team Rocket actually knew their names. Brock was a lot easier to say than tall twerp. He wasn't going to waste his time asking if they knew his name, though. “What do you want with me?” Brock asked. His hands strayed to his Pokeballs. If this was a kidnapping attempt, he'd make them sorry. 

“We want you to come cook for us!” 

Brock exchanged glances with his friends. “What?” he asked.

“You could be our personal chef! Or you could be the boss's personal chef. Imagine the boss waking up in the middle of the night and wanting a midnight snack. But when he gets to the fridge, it's empty. Bummer, he'll say. I'm out of food. I'm going to starve to death. But then you'll appear. And you'll say, Don't worry. I can whip something up. And the boss will say, This is the best food I ever had. Meowth and his friends deserve an award for bringing me this chef.” 

Brock could only stare. He was used to hearing implausible ideas, but this was just taking the cake. “So you want me to become your boss's personal chef?” he asked.

“I thought we were going to have him be our personal chef,” James whispered. 

“You gotta think big, Jimmy,” Meowth said. 

“Brock isn't going anywhere with you,” Ash snapped, and moved protectively in front of him. It was a sweet gesture, but it was kind of ruined by the fact that Ash was actually the shortest one there. Pikachu stepped forward as well, his cheeks sparking. 

“Brock isn't going to be your personal chef!” Misty snapped. “Learn to cook for yourselves!”

“Yeah, he's our chef!” Ash yelled. 

“I'm too beautiful to cook,” Jessie sniffed. 

Misty turned to James. “And what's your excuse?” she demanded. 

He held up his hands sheepishly. “I don't understand what the cooks mean. What's a water bath? How do I separate egg whites? What's a roux? What's the difference between sauteing and sweating? How do I broil something? What does broil mean? It's all too much!” He sunk to his knees and burst into tears as Jessie and Meowth rolled their eyes.

Brock couldn't help himself. He moved over to James and patted him on the shoulder. “There, there. Cooking can be a bit hard when you don't understand the terminology, but you can learn. Anyone can learn to cook. I can teach you how to cook.” 

James looked up. “You mean it? I could learn to cook?” 

Brock kept his voice reassuring and nodded. “Sure.” 

“But we don't have gourmet ingredients like you,” Jessie broke in. We're broke.”

Misty muttered something under her breath. 

“You don't need gourmet ingredients. Why don't you show me what you've got and I'll see if I can make something.” They seemed to have forgotten their idea for Brock to be their personal chef. Teaching Team Rocket how to cook would be better. He had no desire to be their personal chef and it would probably increase their self-esteem if they picked up a new skill. And Team Rocket needed a new hobby besides stalking Ash.

James opened up a sack and dumped out the contents. Cups of instant ramen and stale bread fell out of the pack. Brock's mind was whirling. He barely heard Misty exclaim that they had food and they had no reason to have Brock cook for them. Jessie was saying something about how sick they were of noodles and hot water and there was only so many times they could eat instant ramen before they wanted to throw up. Brock could see the dishes in his head. He couldn't wait to start cooking, but first he had to take care of something. He turned to the two groups. “Here's what's going to happen. I'm going make a meal using the instant ramen that isn't just noodles and hot water. You guys are going to leave me alone. You won't try to capture us or our Pokemon. Is that clear?” No answer. Brock didn't raise his voice, but spoke calmly and softly. “If you don't listen to me, you won't get any food. Is that clear?” That threat alone had Team Rocket scrambling to agree.

“Do you need any help, Brock?” Ash asked, and Brock shook his head. 

“I'm good, Ash. Why don't you and Misty keep an eye on Team Rocket for me, though?” Ash and Misty resembled a pair of miniature bouncers or bodyguards as they folded their arms and glared at Team Rocket. Brock was in a frenzy. There wasn't a moment when he wasn't chopping something, or tasting something, or removing something from a heat source. His muscles ached a bit, but he ignored that. It would all be worth it when the meal was finished. And when they had a good meal, Team Rocket would be more than willing to sit down and listen to him. Brock figured Ash and Misty wouldn't be too happy about him cooking for Team Rocket or teaching them how to cook, but it would be a small price to pay to have some peace and quiet in their lives.

Brock had Ash and Misty set the table. Brock held back a grin as he saw everyone stare open mouthed at the table and the dishes on it. He was pretty sure he could see them drooling. “So here it is,” Brock announced. He pointed at the dishes. “Over here we've got the soups. We've got thai chicken ramen with a coconut milk, ramen with tamarind sauce, ramen with an egg and vegetables, and coconut curried shrimp ramen. We've got ramen pancakes with a dipping sauce. We've got spicy sesame peanut noodles, chicken yakisoba, cold peanut and ramen salad, beef stir-fry, sweet and sour ramen, chilli spagehtti ramen, and for dessert, bread pudding. I used the bread to make it.” Brock wondered if there was a way to make dessert ramen or dessert noodles. He probably should have tried to do that and stuckk to the ramen theme, but there was no sense in wasting the bread. Maybe he could whip up something now. 

“You made all this using instant ramen?” James exclaimed.

“How is that possible?” Meowth asked.

Brock shrugged. “You just have to think outside the box. You'd be amazed at how easy it is to improve food with a few simple add-ins.”

“Who cares how he did it-let's eat!” Jessie was grabbing a bit of everything. After a few seconds, James and Meowth joined her. 

Ash wandered over. “Should we sneak away?” he asked, but Brock shook his head.

“No. I need to talk to Team Rocket about something. I find people tend to listen better on a full stomach.” As if on cue, Ash's stomach let out a loud rumble. With a grin, Brock took out portions for Ash and Misty and lead them away from Team Rocket.

“So how'd you find out about all the different ways to use instant ramen?” Misty asked.

“Practice,” Brock replied. “At first I wanted to add a little bit of flavor, so I experimented with different seasonings. Lime is really good in instant ramen. Then I noticed we had extra veggies, so I started adding them up as well. After a while I just started experimenting.” Brock let out a chuckle. “And with my mom's attempts at grocery shopping and a busy schedule, I learned to be creative in the kitchen and put together quick meals.” 

“That's cool that you learned to cook like that,” Misty said. “I can't remember a time when I wasn't in the water. It's like I was born in it.”

“And I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be around Pokemon,” Ash chimed in. 

“Have you ever considered being a chef, Brock?” Misty asked suddenly.

“I never really thought about it,” Brock answered honestly. “Cooking is just something I learned how to do so my siblings and I could eat. I never really thought about it as a career choice.”

“You'd make a great chef!” Ash said. “You could be a Pokemon chef.” 

Misty smirked at Brock. “And it'd be a great way for you to meet girls.”

Brock glared. “Since when do you want me to meet girls? You always drag me away when I try to talk to them.” 

“That's because you're coming on too strong. You can't just go up to a girl and start hitting on her like you do. It's creepy.”

“But you think they'd be interested if I cooked for them?”

Misty nodded. “Of course. Girls love a romantic meal.”

“How do you know?” Ash interrupted.

Misty huffed. “I am a girl!” 

Ash smirked. “You could have fooled me.” Brock decided now was a good time to discuss terms with Team Rocket. He walked over to Team Rocket, who were slumped over. “How was the food?” he asked.

“Best food we've ever eaten.”

“The twerps don't know how good they have it.” 

Brock nodded. “That's good. I want to make a deal with you guys. I'll teach you guys how to cook. You'll be able to eat like us twerps. In return, after the lessons are over, we never have contact with each other again. You leave us alone. You stop trying to steal Pikachu, stop following us, stop interrupting the gym battles, the tournaments, trying to steal our Pokemon, and otherwise just disrupting our lives.” 

“And why should we listen to you?” Jessie demanded.

“Do you want to go back to eating plain noodles and stale bread again? Wouldn't you like to learn how to make something new and exciting?”

“Yes!” James exclaimed. “I'm in. Teach me how to cook and we'll never bother you again.”

“But what are we going to do if we can't capture Pikachu?” Meowth asked. 

“You could do a whole bunch of things,” Brock broke in. “You could learn new hobbies. You could design a website, learn to dance, take an acting course, learn to paint, learn to ride a unicycle, open a costume shop- I don't care what you do. Don't you ever get sick of following us around day after day and blasting off constantly? Don't you have others things you'd like to do?”

They looked thoughtful. “Well, when you put it like that...okay. It's a deal. Teach us how to cook and we'll leave you and the other twerps alone.” Brock thought about getting Team Rocket to call him by his name, but he figured Team Rocket agreeing to leave them alone was the bigger victory. Besides, after Brock's cooking lessons they would go on their separate ways and it wouldn't matter what they called him. “We'll meet you here tomorrow,” Brock told Team Rocket.

Ash and Misty weren't happy when Brock told them his decision. “Why are you teaching Team Rocket how to cook after all they've done to us?” Ash complained.

“If I teach them how to cook, they'll leave us alone,” Brock replied. “Think about it, Ash. No more Team Rocket trying to steal Pikachu or interrupting your gym battles.”

Ash nodded thoughtfully. “That does sound nice,” he said.

“But what's to stop Team Rocket from lying to us and double-crossing us?” Misty asked. “We can't trust their word.” 

“If that's the case we'll just beat Team Rocket again,” Ash broke in.

“They might have a thieves' code of honor,” Brock added. “You know, honor among thieves or when a thief gives their word they keep it.” 

Misty nodded reluctantly. “I suppose you're right. It would be nice to hang out without Team Rocket interrupting.” She glanced at Brock. “How come you never taught us how to cook, Brock?”  
Brock blinked. “Huh?”

“Yeah!” Ash exclaimed. “You're going to teach Team Rocket how to cook but not us!”

“I'm only doing that so they'll leave us alone,” Brock pointed out. “Giving them food makes them go away pretty quickly and I thought you guys didn't like it when I give them food. Besides, none of you showed any interest when I was cooking. I thought you guys didn't care.” Brock had fallen into the role of caretaker easily enough. He supposed he should have taught Ash and Misty a few recipes, though.

“I like cooking,” Misty said.

“Too bad you're no good at it,” Ash snickered.

“I happen to be a great cook,” Misty snapped. 

“What about your mystery stew?” 

Misty flushed a bit but said, “The mystery stew is an acquired taste. Your palate isn't sophisticated enough to appreciate it. And besides, all geniuses hit stumbling blocks once in a while.”

“The stew was purple, Misty. What kind of stew is purple? If you're going to try and kill me, could you do it in a cooler way than using stew?”

Brock had tuned Ash and Misty out but his head whipped around at the mention of purple stew. “None of my stews are supposed to be purple. What did you put in it?”

“Ketchup, mayonnaise, Worcestershire, miso, curry, garlic paste, wasabi, mustard, oregano, cinnamon-”

“We don't have time for you to list forty-seven secret ingredients,” Ash broke in. 

“Did you even look at my recipe?” Brock asked.

“It was boring,” Misty answered, and Brock felt a flash of irritation. They'd eaten his food plenty of times before without complaining. Misty continued. “There was nothing in it to intrigue the taste buds. All it was was salt and sugar.” Brock's indignation was replaced by disbelief. He just stared at Misty and wondered if he heard her correctly. He tried to think of something to say, but his words failed him. This was one of the dumbest things he'd heard. He thought he might actually be light-headed from the stupidity.

“You think my recipe is just salt and sugar? Are you serious? Those are only two ingredients! Did you even read the rest of the recipe?” Brock rummaged in his backpack until he found his notebook and waved it in Misty's face. “See? There are more ingredients than just salt and sugar! I can't believe you desecrated one of my recipes!”

Misty waved a hand. “I'm an inventive cook,” she said. “I like to experiment.” 

“You need to understand the basics.” Brock groaned. “Then you can build on the basics. And there are recipes for a reason.” Brock paused for a moment. “You can get away with a bit more improvising in cooking than baking, such as skipping an ingredient you don't care for. But baking requires more precise work. You know what, you guys are right. You need to learn how to cook.” Brock really should have taught Ash and Misty a few basic recipes sooner. That sick day had been a real eye opener for him.

“Alright!” Ash cheered. “Just think about all the food I'm going to make!” 

“And me!” Misty chimed in. “I've got so many ideas for recipes!” Brock suddenly realized he'd have to teach Team Rocket and Ash and Misty how to cook. What had he done?


End file.
